Me every time I’m hungry


my mom went to high school with jamie lee curtis and one time they both got caught smoking pot together and jamie told the teacher it was my mom’s and my mom was suspended and jamie lee got no punishment so think about that next time you want some activia

the laxative yogurt lady fucked over my mom


i wish i had friends i could just call up at like 2am and be like “lets chill or go for a walk” and they would do it


are you a dog? no ? goodbye


If anyone’s gonna be in charge of my funeral I would want it to be this guy


"black friday" more like the day where merchandise is sold for what it’s actually worth


attractive teachers are such a blessing and a curse at the same time